I decided to start this blog: 1. because I could use a healthy outlet 2. because I want to get my story out 3. because maybe I can help someone dealing with similar struggles and 4. because I have heard that “blogging” can make you extra money and I am desperate for extra cash at the moment.
I am also currently “sitting” with a suicidal patient at the hospital to ensure he doesn’t hurt himself, so I have some extra time.
I have other blogs out there that I started and never kept up with. I hope to do better with this one. I’m not exactly sure how the whole financial compensation comes in to play, but if I get money for any of this it would be ideal.
I have been through a lot and am still struggling, but I try to stay positive and look at the big picture and keep pushing forward. I hope if you are reading this, you find something that helps you.
I recently found myself running into a brand new obstacle, which isn’t surprising. I feel like life has a way of always giving you more than you can handle, but just a little bit at a time. It wants you to get used to how bad everything sucks and begin to feel content and find a little bit of hope in your shitty situation right before it hits you over the head with a sledgehammer then laughs at you as you slowly bleed out, unconscious and paralyzed.
I was charged with a DUI 3 years ago. I know I shouldn’t have been driving after drinking. I learned my lesson. I REALLY learned my lesson. You would think I killed someone considering how much I have had to deal with as a result of that stupid decision 3 years ago. My driver’s license is STILL suspended. In order for me to get my license back, I need to pay $300 for the reinstatement, take an 8 hour driving class (~$100), obtain and maintain FR-44 insurance (~$300/month), and pay my court fines (~$1200). This is all after what I have already done: jail for 15 days, substance abuse classes twice a week for 16 weeks ($1800), hired a lawyer who obviously didn’t help ($2500). I can’t afford it right now, so I just survive without driving. I walk or Uber or get rides. It sucks but I do what I have to.
Well, there was recently a new law passed in order to “help” people get their licenses back without paying their court fines. Initially, this sounded great to me. It wouldn’t get my license back much quicker as I am unable to afford the other obligations at the time but at least it would make me owe less.
Much to my surprise, last week I received an email that my next paycheck and subsequent checks would be garnished 25% until my court fine debt is satisfied. So now they are FORCING me to pay the fines that I couldn’t afford before. I didn’t even have a court date or an opportunity to tell them that without that money, I can’t afford my rent.
I was already just barely making ends meet. I made just enough to cover rent. My electricity and phone bill are already behind. My daughter and I are living off of rice and grits…. but then life came and *SLEDGEHAMMER*
Now I’m helpless, unconscious and bleeding out slowly. I am picking up some extra shifts and asking around about side jobs. I signed up to start being a webcam model and start blogging. I’m not sure if any of it will help but I’m trying. I refuse to take it lying down. I have to keep fighting. I don’t want to be homeless again. Less than a year ago my daughter and I were living in a hotel and before that in my car. I don’t want to go back there. I refuse to go back there. I HAVE TO KEEP MY APARTMENT.
Anyway… that’s were I’m at currently. Trying to lift this fucking sledgehammer. Hopefully I can.
Okay, so first of all, my name isn’t Lexee. I prefer to remain anonymous as I plan to discuss many private thoughts and controversial topics. All statements made on my blog will be the absolute truth unless aliases are used to protect the identity of others or myself. I will mostly be writing about my life and experiences.
Some facts about me:
- I am a single mother with a nine year old daughter
- I work full time at a hospital as a CNA and am in nursing school pursuing my BSN. I graduate in December of 2019 and then plan on working in adolescent psychiatry.
- My father died of a heroin overdose in 2016 and my younger sister still struggles with heroin addiction. I am a strong recovery advocate
- I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder
- Financial struggles have basically defined my life and I try to find any way I can to make extra money in order to survive